The following monologues are available to use free for auditions and classes. Please contact me for all other uses.
from Breathing in the Rain
Are you worried about that man from yesterday? Is that why you won’t eat? It’s going to be OK. I’m going to make sure it’s OK. We’ll be OK. We can go see Mama tomorrow. You want to see Mama? Maybe we’ll be able to bring her home and we’ll never have to see that man again. Cause we won’t be alone, Mama will be here.
She needs to be at home. It’s the only place she’ll get better. Tutu can only help her here. The doctors can’t fix her. They don’t know what’s wrong.
But I know.
Tutu whispered it to me through the rain while I was sleeping.
In the old land, the old gods used to run free across the winds. But the people couldn’t live with them free. So Tutu locked them away. He poured them into the centers of trees and into secret caverns in the ground. He made his people safe.
But then Tutu left and the old gods freed themselves. They followed Tutu and Mama to punish him for trapping them for all those years.
They promised they would never let Tutu rest. They tried to take over the new land. They tried to blow it all away. The winds broke the trees and the telephone poles and swept away roofs. But Tutu protected everyone. He fought them off. He called down all his magic to fight the old gods of the wind. He fought them off for years and years. He saved the whole land over and over and over again.
The old gods came after the land again. Faster and stronger than ever before. Mama says they were the strongest winds that ever blew. Tutu knew this was going to be the biggest battle of all. He drained all the magic from all the water in the whole land to fight them. He rained down on our home harder and heavier than ever before.
Mama started to feel funny, feel different. At first she thought it was just the new land. She was so excited to just be here and see the new world and brave the new people. But she was wrong. And all this time the old gods had slowly seeped into Mama. The old gods entwined into her soul and slowly you couldn’t tell anymore where Mama began and the old gods ended.
But Mama says in the middle of that epic battle between the wind and rain Tutu finally looked into Mama and saw the old gods. And he knew, even if he could save everyone he was losing his own daughter. How could he not have seen? In the middle of the storm he used the last of his magic to protect Mama. Tutu didn’t leave any to save himself. Mama says he just melted into the water and now he’s part of every drop. He drowned in his own rain. But.
Do you see Tutu in the rain?
Tutu wasn’t able to save her. Now she’s just sick.
(The rain pounds louder against the roof of the trailer.)
And maybe the only thing the rain is, is wet..
from The Pastry Queen
This monologue was Play of the Month over at NYCPlaywrights, watch it here
I like the simplicity of apple pie, the all American-ness of it. I don’t even like to complicate the flavor and texture with raisins. I just need apples, coated in cinnamon like perfume and gently hugged with pastry. It doesn’t require too much focus, you can chat and laugh as you peel the apples, stripping the skin off. But the simplicity of each step can be absorbing, calming. I stop thinking about my articles, my bills, my father as I remember him and Mom as she was. Stripping away the apple skin is like stripping down those memories, getting to the parts you want to keep, the good parts.
My father and I used to sit at the kitchen table all summer and peel apples for hours. Mom was always making something with apples. Even when I was in high school, I’d take time out and peel apples with my dad. I loved watching Mom wrap the apple pieces into pie dough. I’d pretend I was one of the apple pieces being wrapped in that dough. It always looked so warm and soft, like a hand knit blanket on a windy day. And her fingers were so gentle as they folded the dough.
Then the smell of cinnamon and apples baking. I always read in the kitchen on days Mom made apple pie. I’d read the chapter in Little Women where Beth dies, just so I could cry and drink in my tears. They would acquire the taste of cinnamon as they ran down my cheeks. After my dad died there weren’t any more Sunday apple peeling marathons or cinnamon tears. Mom didn’t want me invading her kitchen with Little Women. That’s when I stopped smelling like cinnamon. My friends noticed that.
a ten minute monologue
A small jail cell in a local LA police precinct, which can be suggested minimally. A young woman (mid 20’s) who very clearly follows all the current trends. She appears to be talking to a security camera on the ceiling. If possible, it might be really cool to have a few screens showing closeups of the actress from the same angels as the security cameras in the jail. If not, no biggie.
Hello? Excuse me. I like kind of don't really understand what the big deal is. I wasn't like hurting anybody or anything. I was just watching. People looooooove to be watched. I mean, like look at the TV. All those reality shows. All those people who are just like, out there letting you watch them. All the time. I mean, like, Big Brother, for example, they’re on 24 hours a day and they love it. It just proves that people, that like everyone, loves to be watched. I know you’re like totally watching me right now and it makes me feel like I’m important. And most importantly, it's how you become famous. You can't be famous without being watched. And now it's sooo easy for lots and lots, like millions of people to watch you. Because of TV and cable and the internet and everything. Which means it’s so easy to be famous, it’s like the easiest it’s ever been, ever. Like since the beginning of history. And there are hundreds of reality TV shows, like literarily hundreds. And that’s just in English. Just think of like, all the ones in all the other languages in all the world. There must be like million of people all the time just being watched. There are like, way too many shows for one person to watch.
I mean, I spent like, whole entire week just watching reality shows and I couldn't watch all of them. There are literally just not enough hours in the day. And I tried really hard. I used up a week of my vacation days at work and I had like 4 or so screens, or more, I had like all my screens, playing different things all at once. All the time. And it wasn't enough. I couldn’t keep up.
Then I had a break through. Some magazine that just like started showing up at my house or whatever, anyway, published this, like, chart thing. It was like circles connected with lines and the topics or whatever of the shows anyway, the circle thing said, like, which shows were similar and were about like the same things and the same types of people. Anyway, like all the shows about swamps next to the shows about dangerous creatures and then dangerous creatures in swamps. Those are the ones I don’t like too much, they’re just, like, really icky and people really don’t try, like, at all to look pretty for their watchers. I bet if they tried to like dress a little nicer or something, more people would watch them. Which really is the end game here, right?
So, anyway, I narrowed it down and was like “I can cut out all the shows about swamps cause swamps are gross. But you have to watch all the housewives. And the mob wives.” Ya know, that's really who I blame for getting me into my current situation. But are any of them going to lift a finger to get me out? No. They don’t even care that I helped make them famous. I was the first person watching them. No really, I was. Nobody even cared at all until I was like “OMG have you seen the mob wives, they’re like soooooo bad ass”. I tweeted that. And then everyone, and I mean everyone started watching them. So really, I made them famous. They should totally help me out a little here. Because I really didn't do anything wrong. I mean if anything, I was helping other people get what they want, right? And I figured that like, the people on the reality shows already have like a ton of people watching them, ya know, because of the cameras. And like everyone one in the world has a TV, so that’s like billions of people who could totally be watching them. So like they’re covered. And so do all the people on the internet. So I thought, like, they don't really need me to spend my time watching them. Like they don’t need my eyes watching. Cause they like already have so many people watching. But what about everyone else? I mean like, what about all the people not on TV or the internet or like any of the other things. What about them? No one is watching them. What about the rest of the world? There are so many people, like literally millions of people, billions, who aren’t being watched by anyone. Don’t they deserve to be watched? Don’t they need to be watch? And like, these are people that should be watched. Unlike some of those hoarders, which really? I mean, like, so gross, yeah? They might be worse than swamp shows.
Also, I'm pretty sure the hoarders like, don't actually want people to watch them. But I think, they like have friends who want to be watched, cause they’re normal. But, like, maybe they think the only way they can get watched, cause like, maybe they don’t think they’re worthy or something. So they like, get their friend on the hoarder show and then they get to be that person’s companion or something. So they’re on the show too. And then, they totally get to be watched too. But, you know, they are worthy. Everyone is worthy.
So I gave up on watching all the people on TV and the internet and stuff, cause like they were covered. So I could like dedicate my eyes to watching all the people who didn't have anyone to watch them. And I saw like the best things. I’ve seen like a ton of stuff.
In the parking lot at Costco, I saw this mom like trying to strap her kid into the car seat and like the little kid was screaming and then the mom just totally like hit her kid in the face. Like straight across the mouth.
Like I once saw this guy propose to his girlfriend while they were like, watching some like really lame talk show. I'm so not into talk shows. Anyway, and she was like, "what? Shut up. I'm not marrying anyone who's too lazy to ask me proper". And I was like, that’s right girl. Cause I mean, really, what is wrong with that guy? Like at least take her to dinner or something. I mean really. Really? In your living room? Come on. Get a little classy. But like, so great, yeah?
And then this other time I was like watching this couple who were like trying to have porn star sex. I mean like full on porn star sex. But they were totally doing it wrong. It was terrible. I mean like they didn’t even have a camera to record it, or anything. And that's why they need me. To watch them. Cause like all porn gets watched, so if you’re trying to have porn sex you really, like, need someone to watch it, yeah? And I was like, I have to fix this, so I pulled out my iPhone and started taping them. So at least they’d have like some type of recording. And maybe they could like learn, from it. So I sent it to them, for them to see. Right? Then, like, I went back to like see if they learned, you know, and they had like, black paper covering all the windows. Probably to like block the sun. But it like made it really hard for me to help them. You know.
And then today, I saw like the best thing ever. Like seriously the best thing. I was walking down the street. And I know that’s like kinda weird in LA, but it’s like really a better way to see people, cause like in a car you’re going too fast and you have to focus on all that driving stuff. Anyway, so I was like walking down the street and I saw this police car that had pulled over this girl. so I like pulled out my camera. I got this like fancy new one, but you know that, cause like you have the camera, in that plastic bag with like all my stuff. It’s like really nice, yeah? So I started recording as I walked to the car and I saw like the best thing ever. The cop was in the car that was pulled over.
I just realized you probably know him. Like know him know him. Cause you’re both like cops. So you like work together all the time.
Anyway, so. They were in the car and I was like getting close, like really fast. I’m like a really fast walker, even in heels. Right. And there they were. And she was totally sucking his dick, like right there, in her car. I guess, he was like, going to give her a speeding ticket or something. Cause I’ve totally tried to get out of tickets like that, but like none of them ever took me up on it. Anyway, he looked like he was really enjoying it. I mean like really enjoying it. Like maybe his wife doesn’t do that or something so he like really misses it. It was totally his lucky day. Cause she was cute. I mean like cute cute. So I like stopped to record all of it. And you could tell he was like almost done, cause his eyes are like closed real tight and his lips like keep squirming around his face you know. And he had his hand like really holding onto her hair. That like must have really hurt. I had a guy pull my hair once and was like “ouch, what are you doing?” Never slept with him again.
Anyway. So. He finishes and she like sits up and it like cleaning up or whatever, and he opens his eyes. And he like must have seen me like right away cause his face turned like more bright red and he like literally jumped out of the car so fast and was like pulling up his pants so fast at like literally the exact same time. It was kind of amazing actually. I probably have it on the camera. I like suddenly just got really worried. Do you think the video’s OK? I mean like the camera looks pretty bad. He like knocked it out of my hands really fast. The little viewer screen totally broke off. And that camera was like kinda really expensive, so he better like totally pay for it. So then I like reached down for it, cause it’s like my little camera. It’s important. I don’t just want it sitting on the floor. And like I must have maybe bumped into him on accident or something. Cause like the next thing I know he’s just like slapping these cuffs on me. I think I have bruises. Seriously. And I had like, no idea what was going on. And he like was yelling at me and hauling me into his car. And I was trying to explain like that I was doing. But no one would listen. And I was trying to show them the videos, but no one wanted to like watch any of them. And that’s like the whole point, isn’t it? I know you’re watching me right now. I see the camera. And it’s perfect, it’s like exactly what’s supposed to happen. And I keep telling people that. And I really don’t understand why you don’t understand. I want to be watched, you want to be watched and that’s what I was giving everyone. It’s what we all want.
You can look, I have like so many videos of people doing like crazy and awesome and weird things. Like all the things a person could every do. You can watch them if you want. I don’t have a password on my iPhone, so you can just like take it out of that plastic bag and watch the videos. I bet the people would want that. And could you like maybe check if anyone texted me. I was supposed to be meeting some friends to go bowling, which is like a really good place to watch people. But like I bet my friends are all like “OMG where’s Tiffany she’s never late. I can’t believe she’d just stand us up like that. What a bitch.” You don’t want my friends thinking I’m a bitch, right? So could you just like text them back and say I’m like in jail and they shouldn’t wait. That would be really great. Is there sound on that thing?